Remember I had a plan for Blogtober? I was enjoying it but what I didn’t know is my body was approaching it’s limit.
I was working full-time, parenting in between, making and selling body butters, blogging, going to college, house work… I felt fine but my body didn’t agree.
I almost passed out at work on a Friday and got sent home after having a massive panic attack (health anxiety and nearly passing out don’t really go well together)!
So I got a virus and possibly a stomach bug at the same time. I genuinely thought I was dying. My head kept feeling like it was being squeezed, my heart was skipping beats, I was dizzy and I was vomiting all the time. When I wasn’t vomiting, I felt too sick to eat or drink. The fact I didn’t like these feelings and sensations kept me in a constant state of anxiety because I was so scared I was dying.
I went to the GP twice and ended up in hospital once. I was super dehydrated, I was stressed AF and I was sick. I probably stayed sick for longer because I was so anxious and concentrating on all the feelings.
Fast forward 2 weeks from the Friday I got sent home from work and the anti-sickness medicine was helping me to slowly eat and drink isotonic drinks. I managed to go to Ikea on the Saturday. I had another week off work to fully feel a bit better in which I began to eat properly again and feel less anxious although I wasn’t back to myself.
I went back to work last Monday and it was hard. Exhausting. But by Friday, I felt alright – almost like it had never happened.
I can tell you now – I have had to fight myself to get to that point. I opened my mind to trying new ways to handle my anxiety including:
- Meditating 2-5 times a day as needed: I use Insight Timer as they have a load of free meditations and I found a meditation that really helped in the midst of a panic attack and many that help me to sleep at night.
- Bedtime yoga every day: This is something I never thought I would get into but I found a channel and specific video on YouTube that is really simple especially for beginners and I find it really calms me before I go to sleep.
- Gratitude diary: I try to do this every night although I have read that this can be a trigger for some people.
- Journalling: I’m still trying to get my head around what I’m supposed to do with this but I’m working on it.
- CBD Oil: I have just started taking these CBD Oil capsules and will see if I think they help
- Medication: I am contemplating starting Escitalopram but it is still a consideration as I am not a fan of medication and it is really hard to take medication when you suffer with health anxiety anyways
- Therapy: I have been managing to speak to my therapist at least once a week, even if it had to be via video call online.
- Move: I walk more now when I can. It’s bloody cold out but I do what I need to do. I will go back to the gym as well.
- Prayer: You guys don’t even want to know how many times a day I talk to God. It’s like having an internal phone call with a parent.
- Breathing: I have really been trying to master the art of stomach breathing in general and I find it to be pretty helpful.
I know this is a crazy long list of stuff but this is just the things I have tried in the last 4 weeks in order to try and move back towards feeling less anxious. I had a bad time on Saturday night and this morning, getting to work was an absolute mental battle but luckily, my manager is pretty understanding.
This mental health journey of mine has always been a roller coaster and this is no different. It’s the worst my anxiety has ever gotten but I am pretty sure that I will make it through. I survived 29 years already – I’m not stopping now!