Another week, another session… except next week when I will be at a wedding so there will be no therapy which means no Talking Therapy Tuesday. I feel a slight sense of worry about not having that routine appointment but I’m hoping nothing happens that makes me reach out for an impromptu session!
During therapy, we discussed the things I’ve taken time to notice this week such as my anxiety while on public transport; my worries about losing one of the Mini’s or Mr.A; my guilt over Miss 7 having an accident (because there’s a child in the world somewhere who has never hurt themselves?!); and how I feel about failing as a parent.
I allowed myself to recognise when I wasn’t being logical and was letting my emotions have power over me. I also allowed myself to accept that I am trying to be a good mum and that lessons can be learnt from accidents and also resilience.
With Sam’s help, I talked about how I feel about being a parent – that I don’t have the necessary experience or skills to be a good mum because of my childhood. I’m terrified of “failing” and getting it wrong and that my mental health will hold my children back.
We talked about the fact that I am trying to be a good mum and to break cycles of the past. That there are plenty of examples of times when I feel I have been a good parent that far outweigh the occasions when I feel like I’m doing it wrong.
I recognise that a lot of my anxiety is linked to my built in senses of danger and my need for safety.
Going forward for the next week, I need to remember to breathe. When I recognise my anxiety kicking in, I need to stay with it, accept it and breathe through it. I need to comfort myself the same way I would comfort one of the Mini’s and remind myself that it will be okay.